Love leaves me
nowhere to go.
Monday (March 18th, 1996)
It is as if I am compulsed to act as I do. My love for Marianne, my growing love for Barbara are beginning to crash into each other. If I were a simpler man or an uncaring man, this would be easily solved. I would love no one. Yet I am who I am. (“I yam what I yam.”) I think it was at this moment that I decided to leave Marianne. I am still unsure of Barbara or anyone else as a mate. I revisited my feelings, over and over again. I could not help Marianne. I am not even sure what the problem is. She assures me that there was and is no problem. Maybe the problem is with me. Even if I am the problem, I know that this is not the life I choose to live. I can do worse or I can do better. Either way, I will be doing something, rather than resigning and letting life happen to me.
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