Although I still cannot see the resolution of my actions, I feel they are forming some cohesive shape.   I am happier now than I was in the past.   But this, alone, does not satisfy me that I’ve chosen correctly or even rationally.   It seems that if we look to the future we cannot see any plan or pattern or design in our lives.   It would be so easy to lay off my responsibility and believe that God has a mysterious hand (Deus ex machina) in my fate.   It is clear to me that I, or some part of me that may be called ‘I’, have urged me onward.   Yet, if I look back upon my life so far, I see patterns emerge form the confusion, as if a divine plan has been in effect while I only fulfilled its destiny.

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